the lord giveth: a birth story

on tuesday october 30th at 2:21 in the afternoon we met marin maisie for the very first time. just about thirty minutes prior to that joyful moment, my grandfather was called to heaven.

the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.

blessed be the name of the Lord.

job 1:21

this birth story starts out back in march when i called to tell my grandparents that i was expecting. first i told grandma the news, and then she put gramps on the phone. our conversation went something like this;

"hey gramps, you think you can hold out till november 2nd?"
"yeah, i think so sweety. why?"
"because your gonna have another great-grandbaby."
"oh jenni, you make me cry."

what's strange about this conversation is that he wasn't sick back in march. and i have no idea why i asked him that, looking back it seems a little rude. but i was joking, and if anyone could take a joke it was him.

fast forward to last week. after being monitored for high blood pressure, my dr decided it was best to induce labor. i woke up super early (not that i had really slept that night) and drove myself to the hospital. we decided it was best for wes to stay home and let the big brother get up and have a normal morning. i checked in at 5am and i was already five-plus centimeters dilated. i was having inconsistent contractions, but nothing that was painful. after getting checked in and being monitored for a while, they started the induction around 7am. wes arrived around 8am, just in time to chat with our ob before he headed into the office. dr hirata said that given my progress, once my water broke she was going to come fast. the plan was to let my contractions become more consistent and then he would be back around 1:30 to check on me and if needed, break my water.

the next five hours were pretty uneventful. they slowly increased the petocin as my contractions got stronger. i felt little pain. since i had such a bad experience with the epidural during coen's birth, i decided that we would just wait it out. if i was okay, fine. if i changed my mind, that was also fine. we watched the contractions get stronger and closer together on the monitor, and by 1pm i was having to stop and breathe through them. even still, it wasn't bad in perspective to coen's birth so i just went with it. some short time before 1:30 i thought i felt my water leaking, the nurse came in and decided to check my progress. she thought i was still about five centimeters  but that the baby was very very low and that my water sack was leaking. my dr came in about five minutes later, broke the rest of my water sack and said that i was seven-plus centimeters and that yes, the baby was very very low. woah! this was going fast. in the next 15 minutes contractions got stronger, and harder to get through. they said it would go fast, but suddenly i started to panic a little. what if it didn't? what if i have three hours of pushing ahead of me like i did with coen? how about we call in the epidural jut in case? i can always change my mind and send him away. the timing gets tricky from here, as i was't exactly watching the clock. but to my knowledge it played out something like this;

the anesthesiologist  arrived and asks me a series of annoying questions. they ask me to sit up on the edge of my bed. as he is prepping me, i have 4 contractions. the last 2 i feel like i need to push, but i am focusing so hard on holding still that i don't think to say anything. he finishes, and i lay back down. he tells me to expect it to take about 20 minutes for the epidural to kick in.

my nurse some how read my mind and asks me, "jennifer do you feel like you need to push?" i then think to tell her that, yes in fact i do and i have for the last few contractions. she runs to the door and yells for the doctor, all while the anesthesiologist is cleaning up and putting his things away. my dr comes in and agrees that it is go time, next contraction i push.

push one: wes says, " i see her hair!"  - i say, "what?!"

push two: dr says, "let me just move this cord." - i say, "seriously!?"

push three: wes says, "good job, babe." - dr says, "good. now just relax and let you body do the rest."

push four: she's here.

they placed a teeny hairy little person on my chest and i could do nothing but stare at her in shock that just like that, 4 pushes less and than 3 minutes she was here.  just as i was grasping the idea, my epidural kicked in, just in time for them to turn it off. the anesthesiology didn't even have time to get his equipment out of the room before i was pushing, but he politely came back for it later.

for the next hour we hung out, the three of us. no scales, no measurements, no nothing. just us. we talked about her hair, and laughed at how fast she came. it was heavenly.

shortly after i learned that just 30 minutes or so prior to the birth, just about as the pain was really getting heavy, one of my most favorite people on the planet went to be with Jesus. the circle of life has never been so black and white. as i was breathing through child birth, papa was taking his last breaths. as wes cheered marin in, all my favorite people were gathered around the strongest man i have ever known as he let go.

God's timing is so perfect. what a better way to heal a hurting heart, than a new soul. so many things became clear when wes shared the news with me. i suddenly knew that the struggle we had gone through to get pregnant with baby 2, was all apart of His timing. i knew that before, but now i believed it. i also believe that gramps knew she was coming, and he held on as long as possible, letting go at the perfect time to smile down at her from heaven. he had the best smile.

so on a day that other wise would have been filled with tears of sadness  marin entered the world to bring nothing but joy. when i close my eyes i feel the warmth of his smile, and i know that he is enjoying his newest great grand-baby from heaven, where he is free of pain and suffering. i miss him. i will always miss him, but heaven must be a brighter place now that he is there.

his legacy will live on through our sweet baby girl. i will make sure that my children grow up knowing of this man that we all loved so much. and i hope that marin will have a smile like her papa george, bright enough to light up the room.