Sunday, March 23, 2014

five years of parenthood

gah. five years ago i was in labor, surrounded by some of my favorite people, anxiously waiting to meet this stranger that had been growing inside of me. i remember all of the details of the days leading up to and the days after his birth like it was just last week. but now, five years later i can't help but think about how clueless i was. i wanted a baby. i wanted to decorate a cute nursery, and register for baby things. i wanted to carry around an infant car seat with a cute sleeping baby inside. i wanted a baby. a tiny. squishy. swaddled. baby. all those months of planning and prepping and anticipating our new tiny family member could have never prepared me for parenthood. i am not talking about how rough labor is. no need to cross into the spouts of crazy post-partum behaviors. but now five years later, i can honestly say that i had no idea what i was getting into. what it would feel like to be a parent, to see your child grow outside of your body. i loved my squishy big baby the moment i held him. but now, five years later, i love him so much more. i know him so much more. i look at him and wonder how on earth he was ever that small. an aching inside me tries to remember what it felt like to hold him, and how it felt to watch him achieve all the milestones of the first couple years. but i can only think of him for who he is now. a God loving, passionate, back talking boy, that is full to his eyeballs of silliness and love. he loves so deeply, and so sweetly. and i can't help but hope that one day he will love his wife that same way. five years later my gut tells me to put him in a jar, and not let him grow another day. but really, i am humbled by the grace that our God has given us to be his parents. to raise him up to be an extraordinary man. and as hard as it may be, i will reserve my jars for pantry items and decorating. i will be ever so thankful that our coen scott is growing and thriving and full of life.

a few favorites from his first few days.


coen scott, you have grown into an amazing little boy who is wise beyond his years. you are an old soul and everyone that meets you, loooooves you. watching you become a big brother has been my favorite of your roles, and i of course love having you as our son. we can't wait to see what year 5 has planned for you.  

just for a trip down memory lane i ventured back to our original blog, good times right there.

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