Thursday, September 22, 2011

love & logic: gaining control through choices

hear, my child, and accept my words, 
that the years of your life may be many. 
proverbs 4:10 

i am going to make this pretty short and sweet. impressive i know. but the thing is that choices really do help you avoid control battles. but not always. kids will test. and test and test. and we all have weak moments. 

so here are 3 rules for control battles: 

1. avoid control battles at all costs. 
2. if you are going to get into one, win at all costs. 
3. pick the issue carefully. whenever a control battle is lost, it is because the issue was not chosen carefully.

another important thing from this chapter are these rules for giving choices. as we offer choices to our kids, we should remember these five basic points. 

1. always be sure to select choices that you as a parent like and can live with. don't provide one you like and one you don't, because the child will usually select the one you don't like. 

2. never give a choice unless you are willing to allow the child to experience the consequence of that choice. 

3. never give choices when the child is in danger. 

4. always give only two verbal choices, but make sure the child knows there is an implied third choice: if he doesn't decide you'll decide for him.  

5. your delivery is important, try to start your sentence with one of the following: 

your welcome to ____ or____. 
feel free to ____or____. 
would you rather ____or____. 
what would be best for you, ___or___. 

there you go, as short and sweet as i could. impressed? 

oh, wait one more thing...happy parenting! 

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